Have you ever lost focus? Created a goal and lagged behind it?
I chose to give myself a monthly challenge a little while back that focuses my attention on all the people/issues/efforts going on outside of my own life. And sadly, it’s pretty difficult.
In fact, one of the reasons why I haven’t written too many posts on the subject is because I’ve been consumed with – you guessed it – my own life. Which is very contradictory.
“Life” has taken on two spheres – my life that’s right in front of me, and my blog life. In terms of my everyday reality, Thomas and I have been wrapped up in job talk, discussing possible directions and the million unknowns that are ahead. All the while having to decide where we’re going to do laundry each week. I’ve also been thinking a ton about this blog and what kind of space I want it to be.
This is good stuff. It’s productive stuff. But we admitted to each other that we’re not very good at keeping God involved in it. Isn’t that our culture speaking? My default behavior is to be self-sufficient and come up with a solid answer when I want it.
When we remember God, the creator of everything, our wandering and wondering are given a context. And we realize we’re just a subplot in God’s greater story. More on that over at Donald Miller’s blog.
Sometimes this means taking a step in some direction. Sometimes this means waiting for now. But I have found that the times where I include God in these conversations, I’m more at peace. This month, I want to focus on that.
It’s humbling to remember that I can’t love others well or go about a life of purpose if I’m not connected to the very God who created me and knows me.
Relying on myself is too exhausting.
Do you ever find yourself in a similar situation? Why is it difficult to give up this self-sufficiency?