I’m not quite sure how to begin this post.
The last few weeks have been exciting, busy, love-filled weeks. I married an awesome man 16 days ago, and since then, it’s been a process of allowing my mind to catch up with the monumental action I performed when I signed a few papers on that day.
I will go into way too extreme details of the wedding hopefully within the next month once I get the pictures back. Until then, I’ll simply say that it was the best day of my life. A cliche, no doubt, but it was. And, remarkably, it wasn’t a blur! Yet. I had so much fun and couldn’t ask for anything else. Truly.
The few weeks leading up to the wedding, I was extra emotional. It wasn’t out of extreme stress because things weren’t done, and it wasn’t because I was caught up in the romance of it all (no offense, husband). My tears were the result of fear. I became noticeably more fragile and attached to my house. I irrationally thought that because I would be married, I’d no longer be in touch with my family. I’d live in a strange place and my life would change. Heaven forbid, my life would change.
And while these thoughts were not on my radar the day of the wedding, my normally lively nature felt paralyzed the first half of the honeymoon. I felt a heaviness – a darkness – that’s hard to explain, but I know it was fear. Perhaps most distressing, I felt bad for feeling bad. I felt like a freak; what bride mourns her past while on her honeymoon at the beach? Weirdo brides, that’s who. Or so I thought. Until I began wondering if many other new brides actually experienced the same type of disorienting fear.
That’s why I want to be honest about how my honeymoon included random bouts of tears and a patient husband who gently reassured me that the world wasn’t ending, I’d still see my family, and he couldn’t be the only one with a positive attitude in our marriage.
I want to assure you – women, girls, newly married brides and future wives, that your deepest emotions do not make you weird. We are deep feelers – some more than others – and that’s a beautiful thing. I don’t believe that all of you will react as I did. But some of you might, and please know that it’s ok to be scared. But the fear must not and cannot rule. It just can’t.
I’m sitting on the floor in my new home, which has cute throw pillows on the couch and a man working on the other side of the room. It’s only been a few days, but it’s becoming my new normal, and I’m comfortable here. Sometimes all we need are those small moments of peace.